So toady marks my first weigh in while doing Medifast. I lost 7 pounds. Notice the lack of exclaimation points at the end of that sentence. You'd think I'd be happy with that.. but I'm really just 'eh' about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad its gone and seriously in the grand scheme, 7 pounds is stupid amazing. So why the lack of joy? Because I alway want to be like those super losers who lost like 14 in their first week. I'm just not and really, it pisses me off! LOL Part of this journey for me is going to be about being happy with ME. And so far, that's the toughest part of this whole deal.
This week has been so long for me. So much has been learned. First, I think Medifast is really super easy. I'm shocked that I am saying that. On my first day, I was practically coming out of my skin! But seriously, I don't have to THINK about food. It is so freeing - well... I just can't articulate that enough. I now do believe that yes, I could actually do this for the next 6 months! It's that easy.
I've also done something this week that I never do when I try to lose weight. I have been telling practically everyone I know about what I'm doing. I'm still not exactly sure why I keep spilling my guts. Encouragement? Accountability? So I can defend this product and their for convince myself even further that this IS the right thing for me? I don't know. But I hope it helps me. Usually I hide my secret like its a dirty little sin. So, you know, if I binge like crazy and then gain everything back - no worries, no one knew I was trying to lose it to begin with.
In the end, this week was a great success. I hope to have many many more.
Current weight: 242.7
Weight lost this week: 7 lbs
Weight lost in all: 7 lbs
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
And so it begins...
Today is January 26th and as of today, I have been doing the Medifast program for 4 days. I decided to create this blog to document my journey because for some reason I feel this time is different. The idea of obtaining my goal of losing the fat suit isn't just a silly day dream but actually seems like it could really happen! Now, if you've stumbled upon this blog, it was probably by accident because you certainly don't know me. I'm choosing to remain anonymous because frankly, I don't want to give the fat haters in my life anymore more ammo. I do, however, think its only fair to give a tiny background on myself. ahem...
Im 33 years old and have been overweight all my life. I can remember trying to look thin at the age of 8. Read that again. EIGHT. I would wear my old bathing suits (think: from first grade) because I knew at 8 years old that they (being 2 years too small!) held in the fat. I carried this self torcher into my teen years where I would wear corset type under garments trying to disguise the layer of pudge that I had put on my body. Of course, I was no different in my 20's. I would wear cardigan sweaters over my tank tops in the heat of summer because I didn't want to subject anyone to the sight of my fat arms. And here we are, at 33 just as embarrassed. Just as sad. Just as uncomfortable as ever.
I'm done. I'm married, I have 2 small boys and dammit, it's time to get over this!
Of course I have tried over the years to lose this beast. I came up with my own plans in elementary school. I would run around the block 2 times, rollerskate for 20 min. Yeah, that would make me skinny! By my 8 year old calculations, I would be thin in approximately 3 weeks. Yep! Err... Nope.
I joined my first REAL program at the age of 19, Weight Watchers. When I walked into my first meeting I weighed 202 pounds and cried on the scale. The lady who weighed me gave me a kind pat on the back promising me that this was the beginning of the end of this hell. I worked the program for about 3 months and lost 20 pounds. The holidays came and I fell of the wagon. I joined again after gaining all but 2 pounds back. Lost some, fell off, gained, came back, lost some, fell off, gained, came back... the usual. I did this for YEARS. For over 10 years I did this to myself. 10 years of paying into a program that I knew the ins and outs of, the program I cheated on. In the end the only thing I lost was a lot of money. This is not to say that WW doesn't work. It DOES work. It just didn't for me. The cheesy tools and corny posters didn't make me delve into my soul and figure out WHY I gorged myself. Why did I need to find the largest possible amount of food for 300 calories? Why could I not just be satisfied with a small but filling lunch? Nooo. I had to have a plate so full that I needed to stack items on each other in order to fit it all on there! Yes! This was the key to weight loss! Just eating smarter, not less! Yep! Errr, nope.
This brings me to the present day. I had run WW into the ground and just couldn't do it anymore. I was lost, though. WW was the only program I had ever done that DID bring me any semblance of success. Of course it never lasted. But now that I couldn't do it anymore, what would I do? I tried (half heartedly) many other things, South Beach, 17 day diet, I even tried the controversial HCG diet. Although, truth be told I think its all rubbish. None of it taught me anything. Well, other than how to drop weight super fast and gain it right back.
In the past few months, I found myself gaining PAST my previous highest weight (other than pregnancy although lets just be honest.. I hit that weight, too!). I chose to ignore it claiming that weighing myself only harmed my self esteem anyway. Then when my fat pants stopped fitting, I just sunk lower and gain 10 more pounds. I had never in my life felt so low or like such garbage. I quit putting on make up and found myself going to the store looking practically homeless.
Then, I had a scare that snapped me back into reality. My vision started blurring all the time and I just didn't feel good. I got myself into see my doctor. What would it be? Blood sugar, diabetes! It had to be, just look at me! All blood test came back normal, perfect to be exact. My crummy vision being blamed on stress. But, I didn't escape his office before he dropped the bomb. Oh yes. The "you're too fat" bomb. I weighed 250 now and even I couldn't ignore this anymore. He suggested that I try Medifast. I laughed when he said it because only HOURS before I walked through his doors I spoke to a Medifast coach about the program. Coincidentally, my neighbor is good friends with this coach and at a party, I met James. We became facebook friends and I inquired about his program. So when my Dr. suggested it, I don't know.. I almost felt like God was giving me a nudge. Yes, I said God. I'm a believer and I do believe that he gives us answers and sometimes they are in your Dr.'s office.
I came home that day with Medifast on the brain. I had looked into it before but man, it's expensive. I had always kept the desire to try it to myself. After all, I will admit it seemed ridiculous. It consists of a lot of prepackaged stuff, it can't be healthy! Well, after talking to my Dr. I had a different feeling about it. I learned more about it, discovered that it used to be only a Dr. lead program. It actually WAS a legit diet. I just felt bad even entertaining the idea of asking my husband to let me toss over $300 a month in their direction. To my surprise, after coming to him (let's call him Tony) and practically blubbering all over myself about how desperate I was to fix this problem. He told me to go for it. I love him.
I called up James the next morning and signed up. A few days later, 2 boxes containing my next months worth of food arrived and I was excited! Yes! I was going to change my life and get skinny, finally!!! THHEEENNN the first day of the program came. Oooohhh yeah. That was hard. Going from eating all that wasn't nailed down to eating approximately 1/2 of something that maybe once resembled food is not for the faint of heart. I was angry that first day. Ok I was pissed. I had bad head aches, cravings like you wouldn't believe. I felt hopeless and just plain mad. Oh, and hungry.
I made it through day 1, however, and the next morning I weighed myself and I was down 2 pounds! Hey! 2 pounds in one day? Not too shabby! Day 2 was better but still not fun. Day 3 was decent and here we are.. Day 4. I can honestly say that, you know... today wasn't that hard at all. I went grocery shopping and didn't get angry looking at all the "good" stuff. Score.
Now, how is this program going to be any different? Yes that is the question, isn't it? Well, I can say that in the past 4 days I have unlocked emotions that I have never seen before. I have taken food (real food) out of the equation and now am FORCED to deal with my real problems. I'll talk more about that tomorrow but let me tell you, holy freaking cow. I always thought I was fat just because I liked food. I was wrong.
This blog is for me. First and foremost. But, I know that in moments of feeling low that I stumbled upon other people blogs and read about their journeys. I would love nothing more than to inspire someone to fix themselves, too. And lets be real here, if I blog about it then I have a better chance to actually DO it.
So, welcome strangers. Let's do this, eh?
Im 33 years old and have been overweight all my life. I can remember trying to look thin at the age of 8. Read that again. EIGHT. I would wear my old bathing suits (think: from first grade) because I knew at 8 years old that they (being 2 years too small!) held in the fat. I carried this self torcher into my teen years where I would wear corset type under garments trying to disguise the layer of pudge that I had put on my body. Of course, I was no different in my 20's. I would wear cardigan sweaters over my tank tops in the heat of summer because I didn't want to subject anyone to the sight of my fat arms. And here we are, at 33 just as embarrassed. Just as sad. Just as uncomfortable as ever.
I'm done. I'm married, I have 2 small boys and dammit, it's time to get over this!
Of course I have tried over the years to lose this beast. I came up with my own plans in elementary school. I would run around the block 2 times, rollerskate for 20 min. Yeah, that would make me skinny! By my 8 year old calculations, I would be thin in approximately 3 weeks. Yep! Err... Nope.
I joined my first REAL program at the age of 19, Weight Watchers. When I walked into my first meeting I weighed 202 pounds and cried on the scale. The lady who weighed me gave me a kind pat on the back promising me that this was the beginning of the end of this hell. I worked the program for about 3 months and lost 20 pounds. The holidays came and I fell of the wagon. I joined again after gaining all but 2 pounds back. Lost some, fell off, gained, came back, lost some, fell off, gained, came back... the usual. I did this for YEARS. For over 10 years I did this to myself. 10 years of paying into a program that I knew the ins and outs of, the program I cheated on. In the end the only thing I lost was a lot of money. This is not to say that WW doesn't work. It DOES work. It just didn't for me. The cheesy tools and corny posters didn't make me delve into my soul and figure out WHY I gorged myself. Why did I need to find the largest possible amount of food for 300 calories? Why could I not just be satisfied with a small but filling lunch? Nooo. I had to have a plate so full that I needed to stack items on each other in order to fit it all on there! Yes! This was the key to weight loss! Just eating smarter, not less! Yep! Errr, nope.
This brings me to the present day. I had run WW into the ground and just couldn't do it anymore. I was lost, though. WW was the only program I had ever done that DID bring me any semblance of success. Of course it never lasted. But now that I couldn't do it anymore, what would I do? I tried (half heartedly) many other things, South Beach, 17 day diet, I even tried the controversial HCG diet. Although, truth be told I think its all rubbish. None of it taught me anything. Well, other than how to drop weight super fast and gain it right back.
In the past few months, I found myself gaining PAST my previous highest weight (other than pregnancy although lets just be honest.. I hit that weight, too!). I chose to ignore it claiming that weighing myself only harmed my self esteem anyway. Then when my fat pants stopped fitting, I just sunk lower and gain 10 more pounds. I had never in my life felt so low or like such garbage. I quit putting on make up and found myself going to the store looking practically homeless.
Then, I had a scare that snapped me back into reality. My vision started blurring all the time and I just didn't feel good. I got myself into see my doctor. What would it be? Blood sugar, diabetes! It had to be, just look at me! All blood test came back normal, perfect to be exact. My crummy vision being blamed on stress. But, I didn't escape his office before he dropped the bomb. Oh yes. The "you're too fat" bomb. I weighed 250 now and even I couldn't ignore this anymore. He suggested that I try Medifast. I laughed when he said it because only HOURS before I walked through his doors I spoke to a Medifast coach about the program. Coincidentally, my neighbor is good friends with this coach and at a party, I met James. We became facebook friends and I inquired about his program. So when my Dr. suggested it, I don't know.. I almost felt like God was giving me a nudge. Yes, I said God. I'm a believer and I do believe that he gives us answers and sometimes they are in your Dr.'s office.
I came home that day with Medifast on the brain. I had looked into it before but man, it's expensive. I had always kept the desire to try it to myself. After all, I will admit it seemed ridiculous. It consists of a lot of prepackaged stuff, it can't be healthy! Well, after talking to my Dr. I had a different feeling about it. I learned more about it, discovered that it used to be only a Dr. lead program. It actually WAS a legit diet. I just felt bad even entertaining the idea of asking my husband to let me toss over $300 a month in their direction. To my surprise, after coming to him (let's call him Tony) and practically blubbering all over myself about how desperate I was to fix this problem. He told me to go for it. I love him.
I called up James the next morning and signed up. A few days later, 2 boxes containing my next months worth of food arrived and I was excited! Yes! I was going to change my life and get skinny, finally!!! THHEEENNN the first day of the program came. Oooohhh yeah. That was hard. Going from eating all that wasn't nailed down to eating approximately 1/2 of something that maybe once resembled food is not for the faint of heart. I was angry that first day. Ok I was pissed. I had bad head aches, cravings like you wouldn't believe. I felt hopeless and just plain mad. Oh, and hungry.
I made it through day 1, however, and the next morning I weighed myself and I was down 2 pounds! Hey! 2 pounds in one day? Not too shabby! Day 2 was better but still not fun. Day 3 was decent and here we are.. Day 4. I can honestly say that, you know... today wasn't that hard at all. I went grocery shopping and didn't get angry looking at all the "good" stuff. Score.
Now, how is this program going to be any different? Yes that is the question, isn't it? Well, I can say that in the past 4 days I have unlocked emotions that I have never seen before. I have taken food (real food) out of the equation and now am FORCED to deal with my real problems. I'll talk more about that tomorrow but let me tell you, holy freaking cow. I always thought I was fat just because I liked food. I was wrong.
This blog is for me. First and foremost. But, I know that in moments of feeling low that I stumbled upon other people blogs and read about their journeys. I would love nothing more than to inspire someone to fix themselves, too. And lets be real here, if I blog about it then I have a better chance to actually DO it.
So, welcome strangers. Let's do this, eh?
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